Parang kayo, pero hindi.
I have friends who are in this kind of relationship right now and I must admit, I was once in this kind of set-up, too. Though I’d hate to be the one bursting their bubble… this might just make all the difference in everyone’s world.
Oh, and before I forget, this is for YOU too.
“This kind of “relationship” can happen at different stages for different reasons. It can happen after a break-up. You still love each other, and you want to be with each other but you broke up for a reason. And for reasons that you alone know, ayaw niyo na muna magkabalikan. It can also happen before a relationship, yung pareho kayong nakikiramdam. Possible din na ayaw niyo munang mag-seryoso kaya kunwa-kunwarian lang muna. Testing lang. Pwede ring hindi kasi pwedeng maging kayo kasi isa sa inyo o pareho kayong may ka-relasyon na. Kaya habang hindi pa kayo nakikipag-break sa boyfriend/girlfriend niyo (sabi niyo makikipag-break kayo soon pero di naman niyo ginagawa), wala muna kayong relasyon para nga naman hindi kayo nangagaliwa kasi “hindi naman kayo.”
This pseudo-relationship stage, for a time, can be fun. Lalo na kung naghahanap ka lang naman ng ‘kalaro’. Pero huwag ka lang mag-e-expect na may patutunguhan kayo kasi wala talagang kasiguraduhan. So bakit ang daming nagse-settle sa ganitong set up ganoong hindi naman sigurado kung may patutunguhan?
Iba’t ibang dahilan. Pwedeng for fun lang. Pwedeng “buti na yan kesa wala” or pwede na yang “PANAKIP BUTAS”. Meaning, habang wala pa yong the real thing, doon muna sa kunwa-kunwarian.
For those who are not in a serious relationship, they may think that a pseudo-relationship is better than not havinh a relationship at all. Well, it can be fun if all you are after for is that “kilig” feeling.
Ang habol lang naman ng karamihan na pumapasok sa ganitong klase ng relasyon ay yung kilig feeling. Yung merong nagtatanong kung kumusta araw ko. Yung merong ka-cuddle sa beach outing. Yung kapag tumunog ang cellphone, mapapangiti ka na dahil alam mong galing sa kanya ang message. Yung merong laging kasama. Habang wala pa ang the real thing, pwede na itong pagtiyagaan. But then you learn that although it’s only a pseudo-relationship, the emotions are real. And usually, in this kind of set up, ang babae lagi ang lugi.
Una, you can’t ask him to commit. Since it’s not really a relationship, you can’t demand commitment from your partner. Ano ba kayo? May K ka nga ba magpasundo ng hatinggabi? You will always be uncertain about your role in his life. You can’t expect him to be always there with you. And if you feel jealous of the other girls, you just have to keep it to yourself. Ano ka ba niya para magselos? Pangalawa, what if you fall deeply in love with him? You can’t be sure if he feels the same way. Baka nag-a-assume ka lang na mahal ka rin niya. Even if you are dying to tell him you love him, you can’t. Because you’re not sure if he’ll like it. Baka mapahiya ka lang. This stage will always make you wonder where you are in the relationship. Or if there is a relationship at all. Pangatlo, what if you become attached too much? What if you have invested all your emotions and this man hasn’t? What if you remain faithful to him, not entertaining other guys, only to find out that he is seeing other girls? Isa pang downside ng pseudo-relationships, it is fleeting. When a disagreement sets in, or when one of you gets cold, then that would be the end of it. Unlike in a serious relationship, hindi mo alam kung saan ka lulugar sa isang pseudo-relationship. Wala kang pinanghahawakan. Kasi sa pseudo-relationship, there is no “us.” Meron lang “you and me,” hindi “us.”
Buti sana kung pseudo-pain din lang ang mararanasan mo. Kaso, hindi eh. Real pain.
And usually, kahit tapos na ang pseudo-relationship, hindi mo maiwasan umasang one day, may karugtong pa rin yun. And you will be miserable, hoping to bring back what you used to have, only to find out eventually that the guy is in ANOTHER pseudo-relationship with somebody else.
Ang hirap, ano? You agreed to this kind of set up for fun and then you’d end up hurting yourself in the process. Pero pwede naman maiwasan ang pain eh. Pwede naman na hindi mo muna isipin ang future and just enjoy the feeling, without thinking of the consequences. But if you are certain that you are going to hurt yourself in the process, kailangan mo mamili. You can be happy and live the moment without worrying what would happen next. Or you can stop settling with pseudo-relationships and wait for the real thing.
Ang bottom line lang naman, kung magpapasaya sa iyo, gawin mo. Ihanda mo lang ang sarili mo sa consequence. Dahil ang “parang kayo pero hindi” stage ay bihirang nagiging totoo. Usually, hanggang doon lang siya… almost, but not quite.”
So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
“
| — | Christopher Mccandless (via light-essence) |
We can look our karma in the eye or we can wait for it to sneak up from behind. But karma will always find us.
“
| — | Grey’s Anatomy (via quote-book) |
